On the 86 (where else), just past nine last night.



"Did you text me the other day asking me if I needed to poo?"

"No."

"We were walking through Melbourne Central trippin' on cough syrup, and as we went through the gates, I got this text message saying, "Do you need to poo?"

"Why would I ask you that?"

"Because the syrup gives you the runs."

"I would've had to have known you were doing it, that would've been too weird."


...

"Dude, my text messages consist of..."

"I've got weed."

"No, I'd call for that."

Standing at the william/collins tram stop last night on my way home from work, I was watching the crappy impatient drivers littering the intersection trying to badly to do hook turns. One twattish young speedracer decided the cars in front of him (in the middle of the intersection) were in his way, so he starts beeping like mad, swerves around the car in front of him, squeals through the intersection and hoons off. Only to be immediately followed at high speed by the car he overtook. Which was an ummarked detective's car, as was now evident by its sudden flashing lights and siren.

Cop pulls over dude, gets out of his car, goes over to hoonbag, and proceeds to give him the absolute bollocksing of his life, with much yelling and aggressive pointing. Everyone at the tram stop was laughing their heads off.

I dont think he even booked the guy, but by the gestures and threatening look on the detectives face, I think the guy would have learned his lesson ;)

A group of girls in a park in Beaumaris:

She wears that Bintang t shirt all the time and she's never even, like, been to Fiji.

South Melbourne beach, last Sunday, around midday

Two guys walking along the beach....

"I don't know how we're getting back. Fate will get us back. F-A-T-E"

Overheard at Hells, circa 8PM this evening:

Dude near the back: "...but he kicked a five year old!"

God, I wish I'd known the context of that comment.

Two guys at a bar.

Guy 1: Hey, are you growing a mo for movember?

Guy 2: God no, I look like a tool with facial hair.

Guy 1: Don't you care about mens health?

Guy 2: *takes a deep breath* My brother in law has cancer, I am paying for his chemo..

Guy 1: *Dead silence*

It was the most awkward thing I have ever seen.